Vintage Verses: June 2013

{I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.} - Genesis 28:15

Hello lovelies! So good to be back from vacation and home again.

The past couple weeks have honestly not been the best for me emotionally. Normally, I am a hoarder of inner thoughts, feelings, and mushy-gushy things. When it comes to expressing myself, I usually stick to using my style as a screen to hide behind. But, this past Monday, I decided to get it all out.

Everything that had been bothering me surrounded around one person; a close friend whom at once had been more. We met at Starbucks to talk things out and even though I had planned everything from beginning to end in my head, it didn't go nearly as smoothly as I had planned. You know those movies where the guy always comes back for the girl? Welp, not in this case bud. As much as I had hoped he would come running back for me after gushing my feelings out, instead all I received was a hard "Nope, I only want to be friends." He proceeds to tell me how finding himself before college is vital. How he needs to learn to be his own person and love Christ more than anyone before he can ever find the love of his life. Agreeable, yes. Understandable, yes. So, as we got up from the table, things were fixed, not the way I necessarily wanted, but mended.

{2 weeks later}

VBS begins. He brings a girl from my school who is two years younger than me. They talk. They flirt. I get upset and I don't think he even notices. Throughout the week, all I could think about was betrayal and how none {can I repeat NONE} of what he said in Starbucks matched his present actions. I was so distraught and disgusted to be honest. But then, God answered.

That night after I got home from the finale {which was the most upsetting night}, I turned in my devotional to that days reading. It was entitled "For your protection." Here is the last paragraph:

"You can do nothing about the past, so just let it go. You cannot know the future, so put it aside. Meet me here and now - in this moment of time. Trust that I am with you, watching over you wherever you go."

Lemme just tell ya, that hit me like a ton of bricks. My past is my past and the same for my future. My god is so big that he can tackle all of that for me. He protects and provides for me, even though I'm a worry wart covered in sins. His arms wrap me in comfort and healing and there is no problem ever too big for him. My comfort can be found in his promises, rather than the opposite sex.
I am so grateful for a loving god who knows my heart - my filthy, ugly heart - and still loves me oh so much.

It's time for me to "letitgo" and forgive him. Truly forgive him.

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